Dave: Our next guest is an Emmy award winning writer and talented performer who stars on the HBO comedy program "Mr. Show." Do me a favor folks, here he is, the very funny, Bob Odenkirk--Bob!

Bob: I’m doin’ great. This is--

Dave: Happy Holidays. Nice to have you here.

Bob: Oh, you’re welcome. I’m so excited--I can’t tell you. I mean, to be on this show--

Dave: Oh thank you.

Bob: It’s just a dream--

Dave: [laughs] Yeah?

Bob: It’s just a dream come true for an actor or a comic and to do it on your birthday, it’s--

Dave: Oh happy birthday!

Bob: --just incredible. Thank you, thank you--

[Crowd applauding.]

Dave: How old are you?

Bob: Thank you. 33.

Dave: 33, that’s great.

Bob: And, uh, and if that wasn’t enough, today I brought my girlfriend with me to New York and we got engaged today.

[Crowd applauding.]

Dave: Oh my. That’s--

Bob: Thank you.

Dave: --a big big day.

Bob: Thank you, yeah, it is. I felt that it was about time because she was in labor. And uh...who could love a bastard? No one.

Dave: [laughing] Nobody could. Nobody could love a bastard.

Bob: But uh, we are now the proud parents of a wonderful bouncing baby boy--thank you! [Crowd applauds] And we’re thinking--tell me if this is good--we’re thinking of naming him "The Great City of New York." What do you think, do you like that?

[Dave laughing. The applause is light this time.]

Bob: Oh, geez, I went too far.

[Dave really laughing hard.]

Dave: Bob, tell me about Mr. Show.

Bob: Mr. Show. Well, it’s a little show--uh, one person clapped, I don’t know why. They’re scared. Uh, it’s a little show. We asked HBO if we could have, uh, they offered to give us a show or a go-cart. [Dave laughing.] So we picked the show.

Dave: You went with the show?! [still laughing]

Bob: Yes. It’s myself and David Cross--very funny comic. And uh, a group of very talented people who donated their time to be in the cast, "The Little Friends of TV." [Dave laughs] A wonderful organization out in Hollywood.

Dave: Is this a not-for-profit organization?

Bob: Yes. Yes. And um, we do a sketch show that’s very...it’s kinda different. Um, it’s got sketches that sorta run together--

Dave: Yep.

Bob: --flow together and--

Dave: Live? To you have a studio audience?

Bob: There’s there *live* part and then there’s *taped* part. You know there’s uh recurring ideas and themes and uh...I show my butt.

[Audience finally wakes up.]

Bob: In a number of shows. So, it’s sorta different.

Dave: Yes, and that’s--that’s good? People are responding well to that?

[Audience laughs.]

Bob: You know what? [Dave laughs.] We have sort of a cult audience--

Dave: [laughs] Ye-yeah?

Bob: --let’s put it that way. It’s a select, elite group. It’s uh, one guy. [Audience laughs.] His name is uh John Beisler. He lives in Iowa and he’s a good guy; he’s a good guy. He’s--he’s a gun lover.

Dave: Uh-huh.

[Big laughter from audience and Dave.]

Bob: He washes his hands 235 times a day.

Dave: Ah--it’s one of those kinda--

Bob: Keep watchin;’ keep washin,’ John--thank you.

[Audience laughter]

Dave: Keep watchin’ and keep washin’. Now Bob, you’re also a member of the uh cast of the Larry Sanders’ Show.

Bob: Yeah.

Dave: That must be a great deal of fun.

[Big audience applause, which Bob talks over.]

Bob: It’s the best...isn’t it? [he laughs] The most applause. More applause than when I said I had a baby today.

Dave: Yeah.

Bob: Alright, well--ya do whatcha can--um...yes, I’m on, I try to stay on cable, because on cable you can say anything and on our show we actual say whatever we want. We have the characters speak in street language. And, um, some people say to me, "You know Bob, you shouldn't use dirty words."

Dave: You shouldn’t use the dirty words, right...

Bob: And I’ll tell you something Dave, I have a different definition of "dirty words." Here’s what I think is a dirty word: Hate. Alright? Yeah! Here’s another one--yeah: Prejudice. I think *that’s* a dirty word. All right? [Crowd applauding] Yeah! Okay, here’s another: Titmouse. [crowd laughs] Because it’s got "tit" in it.

Dave: Yeah, we understand. Yeah.

Bob: See what I mean? I have a different definition of what [crowd, Dave, and Paul are laughing and Bob doesn’t bother finishing the sentence.]

Dave: So, um, I’m sorry?

Bob: So, uh, cable--and you know please, if you don’t get cable, what--are you still renting porn? What are you doing? [Audience laughs] If you don’t--if you don’t get cable please get it, you know, if I can get ten people to subscribe to cable tonight? My show gets to go on a field trip!

Dave: Wow.

[Big audience laughter and applause.]

Bob: Dial it right up.

Dave: Now uh, are you enjoying the holidays here in NYC?

Bob: I do. I love to come here for the holidays--

Dave: Yeah, it’s great, isn’t it?

Bob: --Yeah, everyone’s in the spirit. It’s really wonderful uh, people, I think, sometimes forget the origin and the meaning of Christmas; uh, you know if you remember, Christmas started as a video game, then it became a breakfast cereal, and then now it’s a holiday. [Dave and crowd laugh.] But, I love the decorations everywhere and people--you see guys dressed as Santa Claus sometimes.

Dave: Yeah.

Bob: And then you see some guys who are sort of, well half-way there. You know what I mean?

Dave: In the sense that they don’t have the entire outfit?

Bob: Yeah, they don’t have the whole outfit. I was on Broadway and I walked by a strip club and there was a guy handing out coupons wearing a Santa hat.

Dave: Oh yeah, sure, yeah.

Bob: Yeah. I was on the subway and a guy was playing three card monty and he had a cruddy old Santa beard and a hat on. And, I imagine it’s hard for parents to explain to their kids exactly who this character is.

Dave: Yeah, "what is this?"

Bob: Is Santa hitting hard times? [crowd laughs] No! So, I’ve devised a little character, if you don’t mind I’d like to do it right here.

Dave: Sure sure.

Bob: Okay, this is [crowd sounds eager and applauds] this is for parents who want to explain to their kids who that guy is. I need the hat [puts on a hat that’s missing the pompom and which has a dirty white rim.]

Dave: I’ll be right here, Bob.

Bob: Thanks, thanks a lot. "Merry Christmas kids! I’m not Santa Claus; I’m Santa’s cousin, Jake! [audience laughs] Sometimes Santa lends me one of his old hats, but I’m not Santa--I’m his cousin, Jake! Well, you’ll find cousin Jake working all kinds of jobs. I hand out coupons for girlie shows. [big audience laughter] Yeah! And sometimes I send old clothing and water-soaked magazines on the street! [laughter] And sometimes Santa’s cousin Jake takes a little break and drinks wine--straight out of a bag! [big laughs] When we was boys, Santa and I used to play together, but then he went off and started delivering presents to good boys and girls and old unc-cousin Jake joined the army. The army said they’d teach me how to use a computer. But, I’ve got that darn carpal tunnel syndrome and then I got into an altercation with a lady in Bangkok that I don’t wanna talk about right here. [laughter] Well, it all went downhill--Murphy’s Law kids--I’m just tryin’ to put my *life* together! Do me a favor, don’t get too close to cousin Jake--my breath is awful! And whatever you do, don’t sit in cousin Jake’s lap, you’ll get Jake in a hill of trouble! [laughter] Merry Christmas!"

[Big applause and woos. Bob and Dave both say something, but it’s not audible.]

Dave: So, uh, Bob--the uh show, on Friday nights, on HBO.

Bob: Friday nights at midnight.

Dave: ..at midnight. Good for you. Congratulations on the success of the project--thanks for coming and happy holidays!

Bob: Thanks, thanks very much.

Dave: Nice to see you. Bob Odenkirk!

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