The Spin Doctors

[Jill as Marla Pringles and Paul as Frank Scarpazion.]

Dennis: You know, because so many of you missed the Presidential Debate last weekend, we’ve invited Marla Pringles, spin doctor for the Clinton campaign, and Frank Scarpazion, who spins for Dole, to review the event...and you know, kids, I’m afraid to admit this, I’m a little embarrassed myself, but I missed the debate due to an important rerun of "Acapulco Heat," and uh, how’d the president do? Let’s start with you, Marla.

Jill: Well, of course the President clobbered Dole, no question about it. He clearly emerged as the candidate least distracted by the fire.

Paul: Tss-yeah. Well Marla, he may not have been distracted by the fire, but when the sprinkler system went off, he completely lost his cool; whereas, Bob Dole acted like the war hero he is.

Dennis: [blown away and laughing] You know, I’m sheepish. I did not hear about any of this.

Jill: Well, as you said Dennis, there weren’t as many people watching as we had hoped; but those who were, all agreed when the sandbag fell on Jim Lehrer, it was the President who acted quickly, while Dole was left the helpless old man that he is.

Paul: Uh-huh, yeah--and I suppose the entire viewing audience just ignored the fact that the President’s pants fell down as he was trying to carry Lehrer away.

Jill: Well Frank, at least the President was trying to find a solution. All your candidate could think to do was to *punch* the President.

Paul: W-with a devastating left hook, I might add.

Jill: It was a glancing blow, as you well know; and when the President responded--

Paul: --by kicking a 73 year old war hero below the belt! Surely, you don’t think that went over with the audience, Marla.

Jill: At least he managed to keep some of his clothes on, unlike Jack Kemp during the Vice-Presidential debate.

Paul: Jack Kemp was not the one who invited those exotic dancers onto the floor!

Jill: Those women rushed the stage of their own accord; and we can’t help it if the sight of Al Gore’s manhood caused them to rip their clothes off!

Paul: Please...

Dennis: I’m sorry I missed the damn thing. I-I bet there are a lot of viewers out there who feel the same way, I mean--

Jill: Well, uh, it wasn’t dull.

Paul: No.

Dennis: Well, I am definitely gonna tune into the second debate and uh I appreciate your commentary there kids.

Jill and Paul: Thank you.

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